Read The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully By Frank Ostaseski

Read The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully By Frank Ostaseski

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The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully-Frank Ostaseski

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Death is not waiting for us at the end of a long road. Death is always with us, in the marrow of every passing moment. She is the secret teacher hiding in plain sight, helping us to discover what matters most.Life and death are a package deal. They cannot be pulled apart and we cannot truly live unless we are aware of death. The Five Invitations is an exhilarating meditation on the meaning of life and how maintaining an ever-present consciousness of death can bring us closer to our truest selves. As a renowned teacher of compassionate caregiving and the cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project, Frank Ostaseski has sat on the precipice of death with more than a thousand people. In The Five Invitations, he distills the lessons gleaned over the course of his career, offering an evocative and stirring guide that points to a radical path to transformation.The Five Invitations:-Don’t Wait-Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing-Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience-Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things-Cultivate Don’t Know MindThese Five Invitations show us how to wake up fully to our lives. They can be understood as best practices for anyone coping with loss or navigating any sort of transition or crisis; they guide us toward appreciating life’s preciousness. Awareness of death can be a valuable companion on the road to living well, forging a rich and meaningful life, and letting go of regret. The Five Invitations is a powerful and inspiring exploration of the essential wisdom dying has to impart to all of us.

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My mom passed away recently. Hers was an agonizingly slow and painful death, preceded by several years of denial, anger and fear. I nearly killed MYSELF trying to care for her. Her whole life my mother had been a joyful, loving person. She’d never win a Mother of the Year award, but her love for me was evident. She embraced the simple pleasures of life: a great cup of coffee and a sunrise, rocking out to excellent music in the car, and prolific laughter. Stage four kidney cancer left her resistant, mean, delusional, resentful and utterly self-defeating. Now I know that some of her terrible judgment and cruelty toward me were caused by mental illness and poorly managed pain. We fought a lot because I devoted so much time and energy to helping her live longer and better and supporting her emotionally, yet she refused to follow through, accept her illness or make arrangements. She was terrified of death and grew furious when I even gently brought it up as a possibility. I was naively determined to save her from something she refused to acknowledge as real. I was the unstoppable force and she was the immovable object.Once I finally got her set up with hospice in a lovely, state-of-the-art personal care home near my house, I happened to find this book while searching for answers. I read The Five Invitations by my mother’s bedside in her final weeks. She spent three weeks in the “hours to minutes before death” stage. Nobody on the hospice team could explain how she was still alive. She hadn’t eaten in a couple weeks and only drank maybe a sip of water a day. Sometimes I feel her protracted death was a gift to me because it allowed me to read this book in the most relevant possible environment and context. I cannot overemphasize how much Frank Ostaseski helped me survive the end of my mother’s life, by way of The Five Invitations.This book is essential reading for every human. In its pages, in Frank’s stories about others, I saw so much of my mother and myself. The book felt like it was written for the sole purpose of guiding me through this last, painful phase. In this book you won’t find dogmatic scolding or feel-good BS. You will learn about the messy, beautiful, ugly, horrifying, exquisite, moving, monumental process of death, and why it’s inextricably linked with life. You will learn emotional and spiritual tools for life, and you will finish it with a greater understanding of and readiness for your own death. The lessons in the book are delivered firmly yet tenderly, and they’ll be with me for the rest of my life. I truly do feel better equipped for both a richer life and a more meaningful death. I wish I’d read it years ago. I wish I’d been able to share it with my mom. Then again, in a way, I did.I don’t subscribe to any particular religion, (though I’m fond of Buddhist teachings), but while I read The Five Invitations at my mom’s side, I kept thinking of my favorite line from the film The Last Temptation of Christ:“Death is not a door that closes. It opens. It opens and you go through it.”Thank you, Frank.
When I was 12, my mom died of cancer. It spread from her lungs to her brain, briefly going into remission to cruelly give us hope before slowly killing her. For years, I was mad at the world because of this and I turned that anger inward on myself. It was a poisonous way to live, mostly devoid of joy or love. No one could understand how I felt, I thought, so I wouldn't try to explain it to them. Over the last few years, I've learned how to stop poisoning myself. After finishing Frank's book last week, I have a whole new set of tools to use death to embrace life. I also have a new view: We all live and we all die, therefore we all have been touched by death in our own ways. If we haven't been touched yet, we will be. This, to me, means that love and compassion are the ways forward for humanity, even with our enemies or people we've fallen out with.Perhaps I sound like a flit yogi or Woodstock washout, but I'm OK with that if it means I don't have to be owned by pain and fear of death. I know that my mom is within me still in some way, even if just as a lovely memory. Perhaps you can catch of my same high and also gain some new tools for living more fully and with more love from Frank's book. It's very good - I found myself laughing, crying, and rapt by Frank's stories and knowledge at different points of the book. It's a very sweet, helpful, and compassionate book. Frank, who worked has at an end-of-life hospice in San Francisco for decades, has an intimate relationship with death. You'd think this would make him callous or cynical like my childhood self, but quite the opposite is true: he embraces death as reality and is therefore able to live more fully.You can embrace death for a more full life, too. Any of us who have had a relative die might remember their regrets or sorrows, the "I wish I could have.." or "I'm sad I won't be able to..." before death carries them away. We likely know what our own wishes and sorrows are; why wait until the end to address them? Why not learn from our loved ones?Frank's methods for using death to live a more full life are sound. "Don't wait" is his first invitation, and I'm sure we've all had opportunities and moments pass by while we said "Hm, maybe later." Well guess what? This happens with life, too. Don't wait. Frank's anecdotes - sometimes sweet, sometimes gut-wrenching - will help you see how his invitations have worked over the years. I was touched by the many people who died next to Frank, all who seemed to show an immense, seemingly improbable strength in the face of death. Frank's message: we can show this strength in life, too, but it may not necessarily be what we think of as "strength." Vulnerability can be strength, he writes. So can acceptance.Even if all you get from this book is the fact that death is part of life - one that shouldn't be treated as life's deranged cousin - then I think you'll have your money's worth. However, you'll get more than that.A very good book. Read, and then live. But be careful doing both at the same time- after all, we're trying to accept death here, not run toward it.

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